Læs dagbog

(Frit fra samtale i morges. :) )

Q: What is the most depressing story you've heard from psychiatry?

A: Could tell you, but I’d rather share a beautiful one, I heard this morning.

A friend of mine confessed, early in the AM here, that he, about 3 years ago, was gonna run amok; get a gun, shoot people, by, in his plans, hundreds, and kill himself. - He was that pressured.

He made the plans, got the weapon, had strategies for where to hit, how much time he had before he could estimate the police arriving, death-tolls; everything.

He was that mad, and struggling with schizophrenia, like myself, btw.

On the days prior to the operation, he deleted everything; facebook accounts, emails, burned the most of his whole life - documents, letters, everything - and then he sat down, getting ready.

I don’t know what stopped him, but for the fact, that it turned out, that he was human.

At some point, sitting there, he broke down to himself, let go, let the weapon stay, got a knife, and took a cab to the psychiatric hospital; boiling inside with rage, but, in the end, in control.

He asked if they’d admit him, and, as he knew they’d do, they said no.

He knew this.

He knew, in all his terror, anger, fury and fear, that the people, paid to help him, would say no - even in all this havoc he was struggling with - so.. He pulled a knife.

Sitting there, the doc looked at him, and asked him; “Are you gonna use that…?”

My friend said; “Only if you don’t let me in.”

The Doc nodded, smiled, and said; “I think I understand.”. Then he left the office, nodding his head, and came back; not with wardens or officials, but with two nurses, admitting him to the wards, helping him, and getting him treatment.

He slept for about a week, and then, after some pills, which aided him immensely, therapy started.

It’s three years ago, and today he’s free. - He was never charged, and he got what he, in all his horror, asked for; help.

This story, and this man, is the most courageous, I’ve ever heard of. This man, was pushed, by society, by his history, by his circumstances, and his disease, to do the most horrifying of acts; murder, cause he was that desperate. He was all the way out there, at the edge, and beyond, and, even there, he found the wisdom, and the humanity, to reach out, and FIGHT for help.

When he handed that knife to the Doc, handle first, he proved, like none I’ve ever seen of, or heard before, a courage so great, that I’m personally in awe. - Being psychotic, on the verge of suicide and murder, destruction, and STILL having the balls to do that..

This man, though many might disagree, is the greatest hero, I’ve had the pleasure of talking to.

/Simon